A Difficult Loss

Working in a health care field can be difficult. Stress levels are high, risks are involved, and the passing of patients is an unavoidable reality. Unfortunately, having this awareness doesn’t prepare you for the pain you feel when it occurs. Today, I attended a funeral. A rock has been sitting on my heart for the last few days and today it sank to my stomach.  Greg and Vincent were twin boys age 1 year and 5 months.  They died Saturday in the night within 3 hours of each other.

Shortly after my arrival in Kenya, Andrea and I decided to develop our nutritional program.  We were aware of the vast number of malnourished children in the community and the dispensary had no assistance to offer them.  After a difficult fight for approval from the district hospital, we began to walk house by house in our village to weigh and size as many children as possible. On our first day, we were led to the house of Vincent and Greg by one of the Community Health Workers.  They were 1 year and 3 months old, unable to hold their own heads, and weighing only 2 pounds more than their birth weight. We recognized the imminent danger they were in and knew they needed medical attention. The mother believed that her family had a “chira” (a bad omen) and the boys would not improve regardless of any efforts.  After we called other members of the dispensary to intervene, however, the mother agreed to take the children to the district hospital.  I was relieved. I felt like I had made a difference for someone.  Even if I was unable to help anyone else in Kenya, at least I had improved the lives of these two boys.   

Over the next few months, the boys continued to grow stronger and gain weight. After leaving the hospital, they were enrolled in our program and continued to receive the supplements and support that they needed. We laughed as they devoured their food and glowed with pride as everyone exclaimed about their fantastic appearance.  When we received a phone call from one of the Community Health Workers on Sunday morning, we never imagined the news we would receive.  The boys had suddenly become ill around midnight the night before and both had passed by morning.  Although the cause of death is technically unknown, meningitis is most likely presumed. 

I am overcome with an array of emotions.  Vincent and Greg were our first patients in the program and my first surge of hope. Watching them improve week by week gave me satisfaction and a feeling of completion.  On our first visit to their home, we took a picture of them both.  We promised the mother that in a few months we would take another photo and see the amazing progress.  We never had a chance to take that second picture.  I felt angry that we didn’t keep our promise to her, disappointed in myself for being defeated, and deeply saddened that Vincent and Greg were taken from this earth much too early. 

We arrived at the end of the funeral after spending the morning working in the dispensary. The two mounds of dirt under which the sweet boys laid resting were directly next to the house and we stopped to say a prayer. Women gathered singing and dancing and dressed in white to display purity. As we entered their home, we saw the furniture had been cleared away to accommodate for everyone paying their respects.  The mother sat in a chair against the wall wearing a very simple and beautiful white dress. Undoubtedly, it was the most beautiful thing she owned.  Next to her sat her husband and to the side, his other wife (polygamy is common in the Luo tribe).  We were asked to be seated and offered a coke. We felt awkward being served as guests but they brought us the drinks and we couldn’t refuse. We sipped them in silence as the knot in my throat continued to swell. There were many things I wanted to say but I didn’t know how to adequately offer condolence to a mother that has just lost two children. The room was filled with a combination of cries and laughter and we sat watching as others entered and exited.  Finally, we whispered a prayer with the mother and father, offered them some money as is customary in their culture, and said a few last departing words. 

I knew Greg and Vincent for only a short period of my life but they have made a strong impact on my life.  I had such great expectations for them but unfortunately, fate had different plans.  When a child dies, it is difficult for anyone to fathom and no amount of tears shed can change reality. Luckily, we have the power to change the future. There are many more children in our program and I know there are countless others around the world in the same condition as the boys on our first encounter.  We can all fight for these children and at least give them the chance they deserve. As I finish my last few months here in Kenya, I will continue to hold Greg and Vincent close to my heart and allow their memory to serve as my motivation to make a difference.  May they both rest forever in peace.

Love, Saskia